Friday, February 08, 2008


I am a horse.

I've been on the move all my life. I've never settled in a place, and looking forward for the next few years, I'll not be settling in a single place. After this pasture, I'll be moving on in search of greener ones.

I am a stubborn horse.

I do things my way, at my own pace, without regard to external direction. If someone tries to steer me elsewhere, I make a turn in the opposite direction to continue on my path. My pastures are more important.

I am a lonesome horse.

The ranger upon my back does his own thing, doesn't interact with others when unnecessary, but prefers to contemplate and think. I do what the ranger does. When there's no herd, I run alone, enjoying the moments of solitude, taking in the scenery, without regard to others. The ranger contemplates.

I am a beta horse.

Where the herd goes, I do not go. I stand aside, waiting for danger, looking for the next pasture, seeing where the best place to go would be. I don't call to them, I wait. When the leader rests, I take the herd on, till the leader is next ready.

I am a contemplative horse.

I think, and look to the sky. There's more to this horse than the grass on the ground. I see the clouds, the sun, the stars, the moon. There is no limit to where I can go, I can prance to the moon, dance to the stars, sing to the sun, gaze to the sky. 

I am a lonesome horse.

Nobody follows me, I do my own thing. Nobody is willing to follow me, for I do not do what most do. Nobody really knows me, because I spend my time looking up, not down. The conversations are on the ground, where the grass is. My thoughts are in the sky, where the grass isn't.

I am a horse.

Thursday, November 29, 2007

Conscience, Sleep

Conscience really gets to me sometimes. I made a decision that I probably wouldn't make if I were still younger and with a more reckless and determined mind. I think it's a good thing.

Anyways, sleep helps. I did a full 8 hours last night, which, in one night, is longer than any any other nights I've had for the past 2 weeks. Finally. Rest.

Thank God for pulling me through this week. I don't remember any of my thoughts of crying out for help, nor do I remember my prayers to ask to for the messy mire of work to be removed, but I know I had suffered. And it is the songs of praise that pulled me through this week, continually reminding me of His unwavering mercy, support and love for all of mankind.

I'm gonna meet my mom and brother later, to go shopping. Haha, I've not shopped for things for ages. I'm such a workaholic. lol.

I am a Hunter Soul

You Are a Hunter Soul

You are driven and ambitious - totally self motiviated to succeed
Actively working to acheive what you want, you are skillful in many areas.
You are a natural predator with strong instincts ... and more than a little demanding.
You are creative, energetic, and an extremely powerful force.

An outdoors person, you like animals and relate to them better than people.
You tend to have an explosive personality, but also a good sense of humor.
People sometimes see you as arrogant or a know it all.
You tend to be a bit of a loner, though you hate to be alone.

Souls you are most compatible with: Seeker Soul and Peacemaker Soul

Wednesday, November 28, 2007

No More Late Nights

Right... this just rocks. I missed stats this morning and I'm skipping computer science, all because of my final report.

Gee, I wish I worked at a faster rate. Then I wouldn't be stuck in this weird scenario of trying to study for my post-test, writing my report and preparing for my presentation all within 24 hours.

Man, my life is messed up.

Monday, November 26, 2007





Friday, November 23, 2007

Pulling Through - 走出去就有路

I've had a pounding headache all day yesterday and today, and I figure it's from the insomniac habits that I've acquired over the week. And I've had some thoughts as I passed through the week.

It seemed on Monday that I would have a long, long week. With 5 assignments due over 3 days, I could see no reprieve - knowing myself, I would stay up until the wee hours of the night just working and working on them tirelessly. It would be bad...

Fast forward five days, and after 5 nights of sleeping less than 4 hours each night (sleeping at 5.30am on Thursday morning and waking at 8am - just in time for BIOL200 class after writing Philosophy all night), I've been functioning, not living. Surprisingly, I'm functioning well. Under such conditions, I've successfully completed one PCR genotyping of 22 samples of mice, including 4 controls that we use making for a total of 26. The bands came out nice too. And I even did my analysis of the gel properly too! OMG, I can't believe it now...

But then my thoughts as I bought my final cup of peppermint mocha for the week weren't rejoicing over how well I pulled through. Not at all, rather; I've merely survived. No more than that. 

The real meat of my thoughts lay in God's promise though. When I was at my lowest this week, when I thought I couldn't pull through, I sat there at my desk listening to different Chinese worship songs by 赞美之泉, and that really lifted my spirits up. No particular song, no lyrics particularly struck me, but the emotions of peace inside me were immediately stirred up, and it kept me going. 云上太阳,宝贵十架,宝贵十架(韩语), and 祷告 were the four songs that I had recently downloaded, and the Korean version of 宝贵十架 really was so beautiful. Somehow, with these songs playing through my life these four days, I pulled through. God's promise never fails.

In any case, the PCR went well, I was happy, and now I can look forward to some good rest tonight. Though I am very tired, I guess I have some last few duties for the night before I head to bed. Laundry, cleanup, and getting rid of my bean sprouts in a dish for food tomorrow are the prime things I have to clean up, before I enjoy tonight's rest.

Thursday, November 22, 2007


OMG, for the first time in a long time, I slept in the wee hours of the morning rather than early at night. And I mean, like, really, the wee hours of the morning - 5.30 am. Nobody's awake, nobody disturbing me... *sigh* I really hope I can survive Thursday well enough. STAT200 assignment, and I'm done with it... Gonna go to Zhang Yi's place to watch "Amazing Grace"... and then I'm sleeping early tonight.

BSOD, do NOT come upon me. 

Friday, November 16, 2007

First Time

OMGOMG, for the first time ever, I've finished an exam early and was the first to submit it. OMGOMG...

That said, hopefully I don't bum out of the exam badly. (*crosses fingers for more than 90%!)

Oh... ow... CPSC111 - 33/40. *sigh* Gonna have to work harder for all the finals.

Time to move onto the final sprint of the exam.

Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Where God Leads

So today, UBC had a power outage. Most of the buildings were hit, and I decided to go in search of power. After all, I'm like an electricity addict.

I started with the LSC. Lights on, but no power. Then I went to the SUB/Gage area. No power still. Then I tried the Village. Power was on, but there's no place to sit.

Finally, as a last resort, I went off to Regent College. That's where electricity was on, the library was open, and there were plenty of empty slots for sitting.

If I were to think of this symbolically, then God's path is always the best. I tried the things of the world, but they didn't work. The place was filled with people, all enjoying it and being merry. The road there was wide. But to Regent, the road was narrow. Few followed it, myself included, until I found that the wide road was undesirable, and that the narrow road was left - the only route that could be walked.

The Path is just amazing.

Sunday, November 04, 2007

Plant A Garden

It's time to plant our gardens. As you plant, may I suggest the
following rules for your garden planting:

PLANT three rows of squash:
Squash gossip.
Squash criticism.
Squash indifference.

PLANT three rows of peas:
Positive thinking

PLANT six rows of lettuce:
Let us be unselfish and loyal.
Let us be faithful to duty.
Let us search for truth.
Let us not be weary in well-doing.
Let us be obedient in all things.
Let us love one another.

NO GARDEN is complete without turnips:
Turn up with a smile, even when things are difficult.
Turn up with determination to do your best for the good of your fellow man.
-- Anonymous

Saturday, November 03, 2007


Kudos to Phillip Mah for giving me guidance on solving the last 1/5 of my CPSC111 assignment - blurring. An elegant solution contrasted with my clunky code that I was trying to do. Working on it for 3 days already, and I finally get it done.

Man, thanks Phil. =)

Thursday, November 01, 2007

Lab Day 4

Today I saw a mouse dissection. So in a way, I've taken BIOL204 lab without actually doing it.

Lisa the grad student was taking lymph node, thymus and spleen samples from this mouse that had just died from cancer. I watched, thinking I'd puke at any moment, but I didn't. Somehow, her confidence at working with these mice got to me as well, and I stared intently at the way she sliced open the fur, got through to the inner epithelial layer, and pulled back the skin of the mouse. She picked off the peripheral lymph nodes, and then sliced open the inner epithelial layer, before picking out the spleen, the lymph nodes of the intestine (it was a mess...) and the thymus. I prodded around and found the liver lobes, kidneys, lungs, heart and bladder.

Tomorrow there'll be more. I hope I get to work on the single-cell suspensions... that'd help me get back on track again.

Sunday, October 28, 2007


OMG, these few days I've been eating so much curry, it's not even funny.

Tuesday, Phyllis gives me Singapore Chicken Curry to eat. It is gone by Wednesday. Yummy.

Friday, Aunty Mei gives me Singapore Chicken Curry to eat. It's still in my fridge.

Sunday, I cook Thai Green Curry to eat with Junning. We don't finish it, because he also makes baked fish. It's in my fridge.

And Sunday evening, after tutoring Shaun, Carolyn gives me Singapore Chicken Curry again. And this time, the best part is that it's with roti prata too. YUMM!!

OMG, CurryFest, curry galore. 感谢主,赐下一周丰盛的、好吃的!

Saturday, October 27, 2007


I know that if I don't start writing this entry, I'll probably start crying at a very inappropriate time.

I am jamming with Charles, Joey, Si Rim and Rachel right now... a bunch of us from Sci1. Gee, and just seeing how into it we all are... makes me think of the innocence that we all possess right now, while we are still students. I see Si Rim enjoying his bass, completely into the music. I see Rachel playing the piano, completely enjoying the moment, her need of destressing. I see Joey, enjoying all the musical songs that we are jamming right now. Lastly, but definitely not least, I see Charles, enjoying himself. He proclaims himself to be tone-deaf, and I can hear it so. But he's there bellowing it all out, the songs that he knows.

I wonder sometimes, what will we all end up as? Having experienced the unexpected death of a classmate before, I sometimes wonder about death. Not that I have a morbid fascination with it, though. What would happen if one of us were to leave this earth? What legacy would we leave in others' hearts, in others' minds, in others' lives?

And so the night goes on, we all enjoying each other's company, and I ponder in reflection. Maybe it's time for me to try experiencing the moment rather than focus on other things.